Self Advocacy

Snow hugged the boughs of evergreen trees in our lazy Minneapolis suburb.

It would have been a winter wonderland, except for the high of 8 degrees Fahrenheit…

That makes it less wonder and more winter, the kind when even your car’s ignition wants to stay in bed.

My girlfriend Jess and I drove north, and I decided to use this as verbal processing time.

(Jess is super cute AND super smart, in grad school now for clinical therapy. No, I don’t pay her. And no, I’m not cured yet.)

“Babe, I have a question… why do some people struggle with getting what they need at work? Like everything from asking for a raise to just asking to be left alone for a few minutes on break.”

She thought a minute.

“Some of us were taught to be polite and not rock the boat, Jeremy. After years of that, you just start to see yourself as a liability if you open your mouth. Self-advocacy becomes a dream, not a reality.”

Now, for most of my life I’ve been a business owner or freelancer of some type. NOT going after what I want is a painful thought!

But after sitting down to write, a thought smacked me.

Perhaps I’m guilty of this too, just in a different way.

I am good at verbalizing my desires to others, sure, but I struggle sometimes to be emotionally honest with myself. Sometimes in my pursuit of objectivity, I’ve left my desires without much company…

This turns into that old saying: “Climbing to the top, just realize the ladder leans on the wrong wall.”

Google defines the term self advocacy as: “The action of representing oneself or one’s views or interests.”

In order to do this, we have to know what our views or interests actually are! From there, we need to verbalize them.

So it seems that self advocacy a type of social honesty.

And a simple internet search will show that higher self-worth, more workplace satisfaction, and better relationships (even more money!) follow those who practice self advocacy tactfully.

This is a big discussion, and many aspects are better left to specialists (at least when it comes to certain groups).

But here are some things I’ve found helpful just over the last few weeks:

• Acknowledge my feelings. This doesn’t mean soppiness – it means strength! It’s healthy to say, “Dang, I’m so irritated at Joe. How can I responsibly handle this situation?” You can’t be honest with others if you’re lying to you.

• Breathe during confrontation! Breathing deep from your belly activates the parasympathetic nervous system, balances blood oxidation levels, and helps you respond, not just react.

• Learn the art of tact. Go to Udemy.com and search for courses on tact, people skills, nonverbal communication, etc. (I recently completed a nonverbal communication course, and let me tell you, it’s way easier to spot manipulation!)

• Practice verbal processing. Even if you can figure everything out in your head, no one else is there (hopefully)! Grab a friend and practice deescalation, sympathy, and rapport techniques.

Key words/future research:

• Self-advocacy

• Honesty

• Tact

• Udemy.com

• Breathing and the parasympathetic nervous system

• Deescalation

• Sympathy vs empathy

• Rapport

   

  Written by Jeremy Metzger 12-07-2021